MOM rage is nothing to be ashamed oF
“Mom rage is a phenomenon in which moms experience intense anger that is unexplained, intense, and often very disruptive to their daily life,” -Carli Blau
And It is not something that we should be ashamed of.
I would wager that most mom’s have had mom rage at some point during their motherhood years, but I usually see it in moms who grew up having to suppress their emotions, feelings, desires, and not having their needs met. I also see it very often in special needs families.
Mom rage comes up when moms are met with:
OVERWHELM: “I have to do the dishes, laundry, help with homework, cook dinner, work, workout, feed the baby, organize activities, find a sitter so we can have a date night.” If you’re a mom of a special needs child, there is another added layer to the overwhelm.
NO SUPPORT: When you don’t have people there to make sure that YOU are taken care of. No one ever comes to moms rescue to say “Have you taken a break today?” No one ever asks if the mom has eaten anything other than what was left on her child’s plate. If you are a mom of special needs children, the support needed is more, and as a mom of special needs children, the support we get from those who should be our “village” is non-existent.
PRETENDING WE’RE NOT STRUGGLING: When we put on the smile and say “Everything is fine” when it feels like the world actually is falling apart around us. If you’re a mom who grew up with your feelings, desires, and needs not mattering, you are fake as fuck (said lovingly and pointing to myself). And, we need to stop with this bullshit. We’re not fine, but we don’t know another way other than pretending we are. It’s what we have done our whole lives.
GRIEF: This one is especially valid if you’re a special needs mom. There is a different kind of grief that comes with being the mom of a child with special needs. You somewhat had this image of how the life of your child was going to be, and now you are thrown into a world of the unknown. On top of the typical mom things every mom does, you have the added appointments, meetings and fights to get your child the necessities they need. You feel, and many times are, isolated and alone. Self care isn’t even something you can think about, let alone do. That’s why self care is so very important. Mama you can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you’re a special needs mom, you have probably forgotten what a full cup looks and feels like.
Mom rage doesn’t seem to come up in those really hard situations. It tends to rear its ugly head when you’ve lost your pen, your child asks for a snack after not eating their dinner, or your husband asks you where something is, and it’s right in front of his face. And afterwards you feel guilt, shame and defeat.
This is where working on yourself, self care and boundaries really need to be stepped up. This is the time that you need to start giving to yourself. If you need a life coach, we’re here to help. As a life coach, I get to help you find those triggers, teach you how to set those boundaries, help you find ways to transform that anger, and just become more calm. Click here for our special offer.
If you’re feeling depressed or overly anxious, please seek a therapist or a mental health professional.